This is so tragically common and I see it time and time again. These girls give their all, and for what? To be fucked over and lied to and abused and betrayed and torn apart. To be ripped apart emotional limb from limb but only to come back every single time. 

I’m fucking sick of it, okay. I’m fucking tired of seeing girls, and well guys too sometimes, fucking ripped apart by “love”. I can’t stand it and in case you couldn’t already tell, it makes me so angry. 

I’m not TRYING to look like a cunt by saying this, but I am a cunt so deal with it, I’ve hurt people too. But that doesn’t mean it was my fault. See, as well as being on the receiving end of this kind of shit, I’ve also been the ‘giver’ or initiator of hurt. Pain. I know that. But hasn’t everyone? I had no intention of doing such a thing but if I don’t want to be with someone then I won’t. If I don’t want to talk to somebody then I don’t. It’s as simple as that. If I don’t make an effort to talk to you, then chances are you just need to fuck off. 

But aside from that, I can’t even begin to fathom the reasons why person after person is put through the agony of heartbreak or whatever you want to call it. I know I’m a bitch and I know I can be manipulating and aggressive and defensive, but I have feelings too. And when I see people hurt, whether it’s the best friend I love with all my heart or a complete stranger, I feel a little hurt too. I harbour a lot of hate for the man who broke my best friends heart and I probably always will. In those cases, I’m not so fucking forgiving. And when I do forgive, I never forget. 

And my ex? He claims to be heartbroken and unable to function properly without me in his life, my guidance and care. Well maybe he should have considered what I meant to him before wasting a year of my life hurting and controlling me. I still care for him as a friend and it saddens me to no end that he’s having problems but I know he’ll get through it.

And so will you. So will all of you. I know it’s hard now and it feels like it will never be over but I promise it will, okay. I promise better things will come, brighter days will shine. You’re not at the end of the road because life goes on. It does, whether you want it to or not. It just does and that’s the way it is, the world keeps spinning. 

I’ve had this talk many times, to my girls, to guys, to absolutely random people who I feel the need to make contact with just to fucking tell them that it’s going to be okay. I don’t understand the concept of letting people heal alone. I know what it’s like to suffer in silence, I was suicidal for over a year only a few years ago. And now I have no feelings. I have no feelings until the day I let down my guard to somebody I deem worthy and special enough, to somebody I feel won’t hurt me like I’ve been hurt so many times. I’m the strongest person that I know, never doubt that. I never doubt that either. Because I know that no matter what is thrown at me, I’ll always get through it and come out a better person. 

My life is, as I’ve said a thousand times before, a series of unfortunate events. Shit situation after shit situation keeps fucking me up but I just deal with it. It started the day I was born to a father who never wanted me. Who tried to kill me. I bet not many people know what that’s like. To know that their father not only hated them, but basically wanted them dead. But you know what I say to that? Fuck you. It’s as easy as that. Fuck you cunt. I’m going to be greater than you ever were and one day I’ll show you the reason why you never succeeded in destroying me. Because I was obviously meant to do something amazing with my life. I know I’ve already made a huge impact and difference on many people in my time. That I am proud of. I was meant to help people and do good things with my life. Otherwise why would I have survived? 

Regardless of that, you have a purpose too. One day you’re going to make a very amazing person so very happy and everything will be okay. They’ll love you and guide you, protect you and take care of you. 

Nobody ever said it was going to be easy, but I’m telling you now it’s going to be hard. But you’ll make it through. 

Alas, I cannot. So I’m just going to sulk about it for a while and think of a fucking awesome replacement pet.

At 3am on Sunday morning